What Happened to my Daughter and Elhers Danlos Syndrome

This is the story of what happened to my 17 year old daughter Star, and how her Elhers Danlos Syndrome caused her to end up in hospital for nearly four days.

Friday 19th August began with a visit to the GP with Star. She had been for blood tests the week before and the GP said they would help her with her tummy problems. When we got there a different GP told us of all the vitamins that she's lacking from her blood tests. Then she looked at me accusingly and asked, 'doesn't she ever eat?' So, once again I explained about her tummy problems and how we are trying to find the foods she can actually eat without making her really poorly. So the GP wrote a request for a specialist to see her at the hospital.

Later her boyfriend came around and she was one happy girl. She was looking forward to going out for her birthday and excited about her gifts and special day. Then on Friday evening she told me she hadn't been able to pee all day. I thought it was a bit worrying so I told her I'd get some medical advice in the morning and said she should get some sleep. I was completely shattered myself and I know she was too. She lasted a couple of hours, then my eldest daughter told me Star was crying in the bathroom.

Her tummy was swollen and she was in a lot of pain so I called 111. They told they could send an ambulance but it would take about 11 hours!! But they said she needed to be in hospital within the hour. We quickly got dressed and off we went in the early hours of Saturday morning along the dark and quiet roads.

Accident and Emergency

The A&E was not so quiet though. There was even some woman lying on the floor across the entrance refusing to go home. There were security guards that had to drag her away just so we could get in. Poor Star wanted to go back home straight away. We didn't even get to say goodbye to her Dad as we were quickly hustled inside.

We booked in and was seen by a nurse after 2 hours. Star was really hurting, but there were a lot of really sick people there. When she was finally called things moved pretty quickly. She was taken into a room for an ultrasound and they could see how bad things were. She had more than 1300ml of urine in her bladder. Another hour and she could have easily burst it. A catheter was put in, the experience was a complete nightmare for Star, but she was incredibly brave. We have lots of coping strategies when things are tough to get through and she started talking none stop about the circus we'd seen on holiday, telling the nurse every minute detail. It was her way of taking her mind off things and it worked.

Then she was moved to cubicle where we spent 7 1/2 hours. Star managed to sleep a little. I did nod off a few times in wheelchair. I was dreaming of the wheelchair that Graham had sent me a picture of the day before, a reclining one with a headrest. Problem is, we could only afford it because it came from China and the reviews of the ordering and delivery process were dire. A wheelchair like that in this Country would cost us three times as much. Anyway, I digress!

Eventually she was moved up to  a ward, but they didn't have a bed. She was put in a reclining chair! In a lot of pain and not knowing what was going on she became distressed. I am used to these chairs as they are the type I have my treatment in, so I showed her how to adjust it so it became just like a bed and she was a bit more comfortable then. 

Stiff Person Syndrome, is There a Cause?

 I'm not a doctor and can only write from my own experience and the experiences I've collected from speaking to others. If you believe you have any kind of illness then please seek out help from a professional.

Stiff Person Syndrome: a summary

With Stiff Person Syndrome being an incredibly rare condition, it's difficult to get any information. A good place to start is the official Stiff Person Syndrome website for the UK. Even though Stiff Person Syndrome was first discovered in the 1950s there is still very little research and many doctors will have not even heard of it. On average, it takes about 7 years to get a diagnosis. They diagnosed me in just one year as my consultant was familiar with the condition and knew what to look for.

Stiff Person Syndrome (I'll call it SPS from now on) is an auto-immune, neurological condition. Medically it is diagnosed by a mixture of symptoms, nerve and muscle control and anti-bodies. The main rogue anti bodies being GAD and Glycine Receptor. To get to a diagnosis a person might have to endure blood tests, a lumber puncture, nerve conductive tests, and electro magnetic muscle tests. 

There are many treatments, mostly drug based. A lot of patients can get good results from steroids, plasma exchange or immunoglobulins. Some can live fairly normal lives, some will be disabled for life.

The Causes of Stiff Person Syndrome

Now, a doctor will argue that nothing causes SPS, it mainly just appears. The anti-bodies are a major factor. 

If you talk to people who have SPS you will probably see some sort of pattern emerge. So many claim to have undergone some kind of trauma before the onset of SPS. 

Maybe the trauma triggered the SPS, or that the SPS was already there and triggered the trauma. Some people had falls because of unexplained stiffness. Now, because we know that SPS causes stiffness in muscles so it's quite possible that before diagnosis you can experience symptoms which cause falls. And if you ask an SPS sufferer, you will know that any kind of mental trauma will cause their symptoms to get worse. A shock, stress, grief or even something as simple as a sudden noise or change in temperature can cause symptoms and spasms. 

In my case, I'd experienced a few symptoms of pins and needles and numbness, which may have been an indication that something was happening inside my body. But I'd not really thought about it. Then I fell down the stairs. I can't explain what happened. I was almost at the bottom when I just slipped and landed on my back. I hurt my wrist where I'd put it down to break my fall, but my lower back was most affected. I'd also noticed that my neck was stiff and I couldn't move it without pain. I didn't seek medical help, I went shopping at the local supermarket the next day. It hurt, but I carried on.

Seven months later I was taking my Father-in-law to hospital. I was the only driver in the family at the time, and I had to take him for a scan as he was having chest pains. He was really ill in the car, and I was terrified that he was going to have a heart attack in the seat beside me while I was driving. We got to the hospital, but he died in the foyer. I still find the experience difficult to talk about. The following few hours were extremely traumatic. 

Three days later I was in the hospital myself suffering from what I now recognise as my first SPS attack. I had a full body spasm which left me paralysed and I was in hospital for two weeks while I was treated and re-habilitated. My MRI showed lesions on my spine at my lower back (T10) and my neck (C3) The places that I'd hurt in the fall down the stairs.

I really think there may be some correlation between the fall down the stairs which started the damage to my spine and maybe triggered the anti-body reaction, then the trauma of my Father-in-law's death that caused my SPS. But as I said, I'm not a doctor. 

Asking Others

After talking to other people who have SPS it's quite common for bigger attacks of SPS or even the start of SPS to arrive shortly after a traumatic event, either mentally or physically. Some people experience sudden stiffness which cause accidents which probably means the SPS is already there. But other's claim they had no symptoms until their trauma. 

Here are a few real life stories of the onset of SPS.

" I had a very stressful job and was full of anxiety before my diagnosis"

" My husband passed away, then I was hospitalised with pneumonia"

"My father died in a tragic accident"

" I was crushed by my partner while doing yoga"

" I had a fall skiing but also flu shortly after childbirth and already had auto-immune conditions"

" my car hit a telephone pole and I hurt my neck, I also had a stressful job"

" I had a stressful career and my Mum died of cancer"

" I had a stressful job, my Mum and Dad had dementia, my daughter got ill"

It really seems to me that these anti-bodies that cause us so much pain and suffering are triggered by pain and suffering. The irony is depressing. 

What Is the Answer

Well, thankfully, SPS is very rare but I think people should definitely take better care of both their physical and mental health. We need to learn to recognise when we are burning ourselves out. My life was really stressful in the year or so leading up to my problems occurring, then the fall and the trauma probably just added to it. Not everyone who suffers from stress or has an accident will get SPS, but there seems to be some correlation. Not everyone with SPS has suffered from an accident or trauma, so it's not a definite cause either. 

There is no cure for SPS but some people can manage to get their symptoms under control with treatments and medication. I've tried most things now, with little success. My doctor was on the verge of going down the psychosomatic route before he found a new lesion on my brain. But even if it was/is psychosomatic, the pain and suffering is very real and it ruins your life. 

I have yet to persuade my doctor to try Rituximab but I will persist as it's the only drug I haven't tried yet. He told me that IVIG was better but I have heard different stories from other people. The other treatment is Stem Cell Therapy, which I am not really pursuing. For one, I don't think I'd be approved, and I'd end up having to spend a lot of money that I don't really have for treatment privately. Secondly, it's a very invasive treatment with months of recovery, which is great if it works, but it's not guaranteed. I know of only one person with my condition who has had the treatment, and it didn't work. 

In conclusion, if trauma and stress makes SPS worse, maybe the answer is to seek a life without either. I'm determined to change my mindset, eat healthier, exercise within my limits, keep my brain active, and supplement my medication with alternative therapies. (although, I have heard that physical alternative therapies like acupuncture, reflexology, cupping, massage, etc. can have adverse affects, so I will avoid them. 

I already know and practice self Reiki, and now I am learning to incorporate this with crystal therapy. I try to spend some time each day just doing the things I enjoy and help to take my mind off my problems. I journal, use mindful writing prompts, work on my mental health all the time. I have learned to eat better and to avoid the things that make me feel worse. I really want a better quality of life and lying around being drugged up is not the answer to my problems. 

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Rare Disease Day 2021

 After a year of misery and confinement we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Do we go towards it? We will, but with trepidation. 

I have had my first vaccination, so has my husband and carer and our eldest daughter who works for the NHS. We are now feeling a little more safe, although we know that we could still get sick. 

If you have a rare disease or condition, then you are even more at risk from the pandemic currently swarming our world. As someone who has a poor auto-immune system I don't know how my body would react to the Covid virus. It was a small anti-body that set my immune system into overdrive and caused all my problems in the first place. It has a name, the anti glycine receptor anti body. Because of that one little anomaly my body decided to attack itself and now I'm left in constant pain and wheelchair bound when outside my home. 

My daughter has a less rare condition, Elhers Danlos Syndrome. But she doesn't have the classic version and we are not really 100% sure what she has. She has been diagnosed with a Marfanoid Body Shape, but so far no other indications that come with Marfan Syndrome. Although they will be keeping an eye on her as there can be complications as she gets older. She also has a rare form of psoriasis, which is not responding to treatment. She has slight scoliosis but not bad enough for surgery. She also has Autism, which I believe actually helps her to deal with all her other issues. I can imagine that life would be very different if she was a typical teenager. 

So as people rush towards the freedom being offered, whether they take the vaccination or not is up to them. No one can force someone to put things into their body that they don't want. Some of us don't have a choice. And we need to stay away, and keep safe for longer because our risks are so much higher. We should all be thoughtful of others as well as ourselves. 

Today, Feb 28th 2021, is Rare Disease Day.

Stuck to the Kitchen Cupboard Like a Magnet

 I have spasms a lot, I had one in the hospital while having my IVIG a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully, the nurse knew what to do and slowly massaged me back into feeling again. Today, I had a spasm which glued my forehead to the kitchen cupboard. Ha, it sounds funny, it looked funny, but it isn't really funny for me.

I knew I had a spasm coming, I get warning signs, dizziness, tingling, even a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Over the years, I've learned to interpret these as warning signs. I should sit down, rest, try and stop the attack with mindfulness. It sometimes works. I had no warning at the hospital because I'd fallen asleep and woken up in spasm, these cant be prevented unfortunately. 

Today's spasm hit while I was cooking lunch. I'd managed to do lunch for everyone and was about to make my own when suddenly the pain in my legs became too intense and I just couldn't hold myself up. I didn't want to fall so I leant against the cupboard, my forehead was resting against the door. But then then spasm hit and I couldn't move. I couldn't lift my head from the door, when I tried it moved slightly and then went straight back like it was pulled by a magnet. I had no control over the rest of my body and my head was holding me up by being stuck to the cupboard. How weird it felt, and looked. Luckily there was family around an my wheelchair fetched. My husband, Graham, had issues trying to get me off the cupboard, my head didn't want to move. My body fell back into the chair, but then he couldn't get my legs to bend onto the foot rests. I was stiff and unbendable. I guess that's why it's called stiff person syndrome. The stiffness is very real. One day, it won't go away. one day it will spread to my organs and they will become stiff and stop working. That day can just wait, I'm not ready yet. 

Trust me, there have been times when I've wanted to bang my head against the kitchen cupboard. But it's not the same when it's not a conscious decision and my body just wants to do it for me. Losing control of your body is a scary experience. I don't think I will ever really get used to it. 

Then there is the pain. I can't even begin to explain how it feels but it hurts.

I need to get my brain to connect with the rest of my body again and the best way to do that is to move. But I can't move so I need someone to move me. This is not easy for me or for the person trying to move me, but it has to be done. Eventually, my brain reconnects and I'm able to move again. I'm left exhausted and in pain. 

This is such a strange condition, with strange symptoms. Even stranger is that because it's so rare it's hard to find someone who feels the same. Yes, we may share some symptoms but everyone seems to be different. I woudln't wish this condition on my worst enemy. I'm so grateful that it's not genetic and I won't be passing it on to my family. 

Could it be A sign of IBD?

 Last week I took L to see a new gastroentrologist at the Children's hospital. She's had gastro problems since birth and we've seen Drs and Nurses and tried all sorts of treatments with very little success. Now, she is getting older they seem to be taking her issues more seriously.

A few weeks ago we had a whole three weeks of an upset stomach, which in turn means an upset L and and an upset Mum. We were struggling and couldn't get it under control. I phoned the Dr and samples of blood and  feces were sent off for analysis.

Calprotectin.

Calprotectin has never been mentioned before, but there were moderate amounts found in L's samples. It helps to differentiate between Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Irritable Bowl Disease. The cut off point is generally 200, and the cause for worry is >250. L's was 248.

The Dr took another sample to check that to see if it was just a one off inflammation, or if it is still elevated. 

At 15, L is the right age to start showing signs of IBD so fingers crossed it's just an inflammation. 

Sadly, with the problems being long lasting, it probably is an indication that something isn't working as it should, and it never has. 

Treatment

I was so pleased that we didn't come away with a dis-impaction plan. We had done so many of these over the years it really isn't pleasant and it has never worked anyway. But, the plan was a little different. L has been prescribed Loperamide to stop the diarrhoea and senna as a laxative. 

I was a bit stunned at first, why take two conflicting medications? But the answer is quite simple really. The Immodium will make the stools harder, but the senna will prevent constipation. The result should be  normal looking stools. It's been five days on this medication and we've had no success at all. In fact, not last night but the night before I was up at 1am with L while she was stuck on the toilet. 

 We will keep trying, she does seem to be getting more firmer stools. 

All I want for Christmas is a nice poo! 

A Day in the Life

 I've decided that I want to write things down for a couple of reasons. One is that I find it helpful to put it down to talk about it in a way that I can. The other is so that people can get some understanding about what it's like. Maybe there are other's who feel similar who can relate? Or maybe I can just let people know that living with a chronic illness is tough but not impossible. 

I am happy to answer questions. I'm happy to connect to others. I do not want sympathy or to be anything that I'm not. I am not brave, strong, amazing or any of those things. I am also not a whinger, complainer, attention seeker. 

If writing a blog is attention seeking then it's doing it in the right way. I want people to know what it's like and maybe help others.

Night Time

I have to go to bed as soon as I feel tired. If I leave it too long then getting upstairs can be difficult. I need to reserve that bit of extra energy to make the slog upstairs. I turned down a lift. I had plenty of time to think about it and I decided it wasn't the right thing for me. I didn't want to lose the space in my bedroom where it would have been installed. That may sound silly, but everyone needs a sanctuary, a place they feel safe and can go when things are tough. It's my bedroom and I didn't want a lift put in there. I would like a stair lift at some point, but for now I'm managing to get upstairs, mostly with upper body strength so I'm hoping I can hold on to that for a while longer. 

Once upstairs I change in the bathroom. It's warm and I can sit at the right height and angle to undress and change. The bedroom is cooler. I don't like the radiator on unless it's really cold, I prefer to snuggle in the duvet to keep warm. I sit on the bed to take my medication then using my remaining strength I pull my legs onto the bed and lie down. There is not much more I can do, I don't turn over, or move around to get comfortable. Where I lie is where I sleep. I have a bed guard that helps my top half from falling out of bed. I can use this to help pull me up when I need to get out of bed. 

Morning

I don't move in the night and this can cause me to become very stiff. Some days are not so bad and I can move okay, but on a bad day I can't move at all and need help to move my legs out of the bed. This is often done by my 10 year old son who is first up in the morning. He'll drag my legs out while I lift my upper body with the frame. He then sorts out my medication and gives it to me with my water. While in sitting position I start to regain feeling. Along with pain. 

When I'm ready I make my way downstairs. I have two bannisters to help me an rely on upper body. My legs are generally bad in the morning, even more so than at night. It takes a while to get going. 

My Day

I can move around during the day, once my medication has set in. I can make tea, breakfast, fold the washing. Somettimes I can fill up the washing machine or tumble dryer. I can tidy things and wipe down the kitchen work tops. I can wash up things in the sink. If I'm feeling good I may even be able to empty the dishwasher. 

I try to keep the bathrooms clean. I've invested in cleaners with long handles for those hard to reach places. I find bending extremely difficult, and stretching is difficult too. So, movement is hard but not impossible. 

If I bend or stretch too far the pain is incredible, It can happen anywhere that is affected, my back, my side, my legs, my arms, my neck...anywhere. But, I have to make sure I don't go that far. That sock at the back of the tumble dryer will have to stay there. That toilet roll that has dropped behind the toilet isn't going to be moved by me. Sometimes, even picking things up off the floor is just too much. 

I feel and act stiff, because that is what my body wants. I walk funny, it's hard to explain, but I feel like I'm walking through treacle and I look like I'm walking after two bottles of gin. I wobble and lose my balance. I'm good at not falling in the home because I know wherever I go I have something to help me. If there are things or people in the way it's much harder. The way has to be clear of obstruction. I find it harder to walk in unfamiliar places, even with aids. My brain is trying to concentrate more on the new situation that the simple act of walking. That's part of my condition, my brain doesn't communicate properly with my body. I can still do things, but it either has to be something completely natural to me, or I need to think really carefully. 

It's hard to explain. I can pick up the remote and turn over, but if someone asks me to pass the remote, then I find it so difficult to process the request and the action. It's very frustrating. 

I'm happier at home. If I go out I need my wheelchair. But that's a whole different day. My normal day involves a little housework, a lot of sitting down on the settee, a bit of reading, crochet or tv watching to pass the time. I also manage some cooking, but lately I'm finding it difficult to stand in the kitchen for very long. I have a kitchen stool, but it's only good if I don't have to move. I can sit and chop vegetable for ages, but getting up and putting them in a pan or on the oven involves a lot of effort, getting up from my chair and sitting down again is just another job for my body to do. The chair is good, only if I don't have to move! 

When the pain hits bad I can do nothing but lie on the settee, or flop in awkward positions that my family do their best to make better for me. When the pain gets too much my body gives up completely and I can't move. Sometimes at all. Even my mouth so I can't speak. I hate what my family has to go through and I'm glad the younger ones leave the room. Generally, some pain relief and a nap brings me back again. It doesn't happen every day. But when my treatment wears off it happens more frequently. I get warning signs that it's going to happen so I try to be careful and not push. 

Other times I get frustrated and push myself just to see if I can avoid it. I fight it, but I rarely win. In fact, I don't think I have ever won. 

It's My Life

I've accepted my life now. I would give anything to be fit and healthy again and will never give up hope of a cure. But for now, I've accepted my limitations, I suffer my frustrations but most of all I really feel for my family. That's why I keep fighting, for them! I'll keep going, and pushing and doing what I can because that's the way I am. 

Anyway, lying in bed all day being waited on hand and foot doesn't really appeal to me.... (mmm, maybe) 

Welcome to my story, can you relate? Do you want to chat? Feel free to comment if you do. 

I suffer from a rare neurological disorder called Stiff Person Syndrome. It came on quite suddenly, although, with hindsight I can see I had warnings that something was wrong. I hospitalised on 1st |Jan 2016 and kept in for two weeks. They found lesions (inflammation) on my spine which they put down to Transverse Myelitis. When I didn't recover they found a rogue anti body called a glycine receptor in my blood. I was then diagnosed with Stiff Person Syndrome plus Progressive Encephalomyelitis With Rigidity and Myoclonus in January 2017. 

https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/5023/stiff-person-syndrome

https://lizblows.wixsite.com/spsuk

https://lizblows.wixsite.com/spsuk/map

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3146306/

When Chronic Illness becomes a way of life

 I was fine, yes, I had my regular aches and pains. I'd been a chronic migraine sufferer for years but they were definitely related to my hormones. I'd also had some massive stomach pains that were being invesitgated when I got sick. Nothing was really found but they did say that I had a leaky gut, gasses were escaping into other parts of my body, including my womb. These days I imagine my womb as a shrivelled up prune! She served me well giving me five children. It was tough going at times but she's retired now, and so have the hormones. 

Chronic Illness and Life

So, even though I'd suffered on and off for many years, it wasn't until I began suffering constantly that life really changed. When I say constantly, I mean, constantly. There is not a moment of any day that I do not feel pain. I sleep a fair bit because I have pills that knock me out, but wake me up and the pain is still there. Day and night, night and day, every single minute.

I think this is what is so difficult to understand for most people. We all get sick, right? That throbbing migraine that has you lying down in a darkened room thinking that you just can't carry on is the bane of your life. But you know that it will go away. You will be okay. The pain will go and you will function again. phew. 

You get a cold and your head throbs, your nose runs, you can't stop sneezing. You cough and cough and it stops you sleeping. You sweat and ache and feel like hell. But it passes. A few days later you can be jumping in the car or on the bus and off to the shops, or to visit friends. (Well, maybe not in lockdown, but in normal times.) 

Can you imagine not getting better? 

It's hard isn't it.

I Was Told I Would Get Better

When I was in hospital I was told that I would get better. It would be hard work and take time but I could expect to be back to normal in about 8 weeks. I cried, 8 weeks was a long time to feel so rough. I felt sorry for myself. I did everything they asked. I took my medication, I did my physio, I pushed myself as much as I could. I even ate salt because my blood pressure was so low. I hate salt unless it's hidden in a cake or bread. I never usually add it to my food. 

I came home and carried on with the pills and physio. I visited hospital weekly. I tried so hard and waited to get better. I didn't get better. 

I improved. I managed to learn to walk again and move a little more. Although I still have plenty of times when I lose control of my body, mostly I can do stuff even if it hurts. 

The hurting never stops though. I get pain in my feet, my legs, my hips, my sides, my stomach, my chest, my shoulders, my neck, my arms, my fingers, my face, my head. Okay, Okay. I should have just said everywhere. Yup, even my bottom hurts. It's been nearly five years now, every day. 

It never, ever stops hurting.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt so bad and I can walk to the toilet or the kitchen without wincing every second. I can sit and type, or crochet and watch television. It hurts but I'm taking my mind off the pain. I can stand in the kitchen, and sometimes I can get so involved in what I'm doing I push through the pain and get on with it. I can go out in my wheelchair, every bump hurts, every sudden stop or turn can hurt, but I need to get around don't I? 

Sometimes it gets worse. Generally when I've done any of the things above. You see, I want to do things, but doing things make the hurting worse. I could lie in bed all day, but lying in bed hurts too. Some nights I wake up and force myself to stand up and take a few steps just to relieve the pain of lying down. Then I have to lie down to relieve the pain of standing up and walking. 

When it gets really bad I take some more pills, generally diazepam because they help me relax. When the pain is bad, panicking makes it worse. I don't want to panic so I chill myself right down. I focus on breathing. I'm lucky, breathing doesn't hurt. I fill my chest and empty it. I concentrate on that. Everything else goes completely, utterly numb. My body's reaction to severe pain is to go numb. It sounds good, but it's pretty scary. When I say numb, I mean I cannot move. I have no control at all. I sometimes manage to keep one of my arms or my neck so I can move my head, but sometimes, I cannot even control my speech. 

Death Meditation

I came across death meditation in a fiction book I was reading. The description was exactly what my body does when I'm in extreme pain. My first reaction was to panic as it seems my body is preparing for death. But then I realised that each time I've come back from it, and I will come back from it. My breathing continues and I will continue to breathe. 

Death meditation is a Buddhist practice which teaches you to let go of life and accept death. Accept your fate, after all, we will all die one day. I've decided to learn more about it. I think letting go of life is difficult and people fight it so bad. I won't give up wanting to live, I have children I want to see grow up. But if it comes to the end I want to go in peace. knowing peace, feeling peace, and hopefully letting my family know that I am at peace.

A lot of people when faced with the prospect of constant pain for the rest of their lives find it difficult to accept. Trust me, I get that. I think that maybe I have at least 20 years left on this earth. That's 20 years of pain and suffering. You may say I'm being over dramatic, but that's because unless you experience pain every minute of every day it's hard to understand. People who can't accept it give up, it doesn't make them weak. Really, choosing forever peace over forever pain can seem like the perfect choice. 

I've chosen forever pain.

Of course, I'll never stop trying ways of easing the pain, making life better, living my life, creating, enjoying, laughing, loving, there are so many things you can do even if you are in pain. And all of them help to make the pain more bearable (Apart from laughing, if I laugh I get the most incredible pain spasms in my side. But, it's not going to stop me from laughing.)

Accepting My Fate

I have accepted that I am now constantly disabled and that I am not going to get better. My original diagnosis was wrong and now I know that my condition is progressive and will get worse. But that's okay, because I can keep going. I will keep looking for the things that make me feel better, happier. I will carry on because I never want to give up. I'm not fighting, it's not a battle, it's my life and I just want to live it. 

I may hurt but I won't give up smiling and loving my gorgeous family.